Friday, January 27, 2012

Growing in Wisdom (part 2)

(Read, Growing in Wisdom part 1 to put this event in proper context).  

As we were coming back from dance class, I was pulling into the driveway, and began to roll up all the electric windows. Carissa was in her car seat in the backseat, and she decided she was going to go against what her parent was doing, be disobedient and defiant, and roll down her window. I responded by proceeding to roll her window up, and she decided she was going to stop what her parent was doing, be contrary, and place her hand on top of her window to prevent it from being rolled up. I did not know she was doing that, until from the backseat I hear a loud cry for help. I jump out of my seat, and run to her rescue to find her cradling her damaged finger. My only concern was to comfort her, to releave her pain as much as possible, and to check out the damage. I cried out to Jesus, Lord heal my daughter's wound. We rushed into our home, and I placed a bag of frozen vegetables on her hand. While she laid flat out on the couch with the bag of frozen veggies on her hand, deeply crying in agonizing pain, I had to make the emotionally painful choice to take the phone into another room with me, so I could hear the the doctor's receptionist. Unfortunately they were booked, and I had to go to the ER. While we were driving to the ER, Carissa says, "Momma I forgive you." I asked her, What are you forgiving me for? And she said with a slightly disturbed attitude, "for hurting my hand." I asked her, Was that really my fault? I did not do that on purpose. I did not know your hand was on the window. Who was being naughty, disobeying & defying her parent by putting her hand on top of the window, and tried to stop Momma from what she was doing? Carissa said, " Oh, I did, but I got hurt." I could see how this was going to be a teachable moment for Carissa & I. This was a time for Carissa to grow in wisdom. Sometimes it is painful to grow in wisdom. I lovingly explained to my child that her naughty, disobedient, defiant behavior of not listening and obeying is what caused her to get hurt, and now she is suffering in pain, for her bad choice. I explained to her that bad choices not only hurt others, but hurt ourselves too. While we sat in the ER, I got to take the time to explain to my beautiful daughter the difference between being disobedient and being defiant. If Momma or Daddy tell you to roll up the window and you refuse, that is being disobedient, because you are not doing what we asked you to do, you are not obeying. Now when you rolled down your window, and did the complete opposite of what Momma & Daddy are telling you to do you are being defiant & contrary, then when you placed your hand on top of the window to prevent it from going up you were . . . and then I was lost for words, so Carissa finished by saying Dumb and Stupid (words we do not use, but certain classmates have used these words to tease one another). I asked Carissa if she knew the meaning of Dumb and Stupid, and she said no, so I explained to her that it means to be very foolish, to not use good judgement, and to go against what we are taught by our parents and GOD. Carissa said, so being dumb, stupid, and foolish is a sin? I replied to her, yes honey when we are being dumb, stupid, and foolish we are sinning against GOD. It is what we refer to as a Contrary Spirit which causes us to go against GOD. Carissa said pleading with pain & confusion, "But Momma I didn't know that was going to happen!" (referring to her hand getting hurt & damaged in the car window) I told her I know, that is why you must always trust, obey, and know that your loving parent knows best, especially when you don't understand, and don't want to do something your parent's way, and insist on doing it your way which caused you to really get hurt. You could have gotten hurt a lot worse. It could have gotten broken so bad that the doctors could not repair it back to normal. We praise you Jesus that you are right now in the process of healing Carissa's finger, and is not broken. While we waited in the ER room for over an hour Christ was healing Carissa's finger. Carissa was able to fully bend it as if it never got hurt. We told the receptionist that Carissa did not need to be examined by the triage nurse, and the receptionist said since the triage nurse has not seen you, you wont be charged. 

Carissa's learning experience got me thinking, Isn't that how we often are with our Holy Parent GOD? GOD is doing something in our life, then we put our hand to it, trying to interfere or prevent what GOD is doing, because we don't understand, and all we know is what we want. Then when we get hurt, by interfering & trying to stop GOD's Way, our foolish sinful pride cries out in pain -- It's Your fault! You did this to me! I don't understand. Why would You hurt me? It is only when we sacrifice our foolish & sinful pride in the Holy Fire of Truth, that we understand that it was our choice, our responsibility, and our fault for being disobedient & defiant thinking we knew better than our Holy Parent, and put our hand in the middle of something that it didn't belong, and we are to blame for getting crushed, not our Holy Parent. Our society tells us it is not right to find fault. However, if we had a faulty window that did not work right, we would have to investigate the cause in order to fix the problem. It is very important to know when it is our fault and when it is not. Praise the Lord for the Holy Spirit Who is our Helper that lovingly & compassionately convicts us when it is in fact our fault. With a humble & repentant heart, we realize it is not GOD that needs to be forgiven, but us. Is there anything that you are still blaming GOD for, when it was your bad choice? Dear Lord I ask that you forgive me for blaming you when it was my fault.

It really is about trusting that our parent knows best even when we don't understand, or don't want to do what we have been told. We need to just remind ourself, my parent knows best. We praise You Lord for those teachable moments in life, no matter how painful they are to learn.Here are some Great Scriptures on the importance of growing in wisdom. The Bible teaches us that even Christ grew in Wisdom. Luke 2:52

Proverbs 2:6, Proverbs 4:5, Psalm 90:12,  Proverbs 4:7, Proverbs 16:16, Proverbs 19:8, Romans 11:33, Colossians 1:9, Colossians 4:5, 1 Corinthians 3:19, Psalm 104:24, Psalm 136:5James 1:5, Psalm 119:34, Psalm 51:6: 1 James 3:17, 1 Corinthians 1:24, Job 12:12-13, Proverbs 28:26, Proverbs 23:4, Colossians 2:3, Ephesians 3:10Revelation 5:12, Jeremiah 10:12, Proverbs 3:19, Proverbs 21:30, 


  1. Soaring Dove! I looked for an email to message you but this is the only way I found to ask your advice.

    I have been seeking and pleading for help for years and never have gotten an answer that helped me.

    I think my mother is narcissistic. Always was. I will try to be brief....

    She: was mildly physically abusive - as a child when I was upset she leaned down with her knuckles and said "I'm going to put knots in your neck" and she did.

    Tore curlers out of my head because she didn't want me setting my hair in a pageboy.

    As a teenager slapped me in the face in a store because I was depressed about not being with friends.

    At 18 would tear my hair out when I came home late. Only happened once.

    Emotionally: told me I had a face only a mother could love when I asked her if she thought I was pretty - I was a young girl.

    Showed me two dogs mating in our basement - our dog was in heat. Brought me down to watch. I was maybe 12?

    Con't next comment....

  2. Was arguing with my father - lifted her housecoat and screamed "You make me bleed!" as my brother and I watched - we were children.

    Would tell me my friends used me. All ages.

    As a teenager: didn't like my friends and would try to destroy friendships.

    Always listened in on every phone call.

    Always went through my purse.

    Always went through my drawers.

    Would follow me to see what I was doing.

    Raised her hand to my friends if she thought they were lying. Scared the **** out of them.

    I felt terrorized by her....she was all consuming and dominating. Left home. Found me and I had to leave because she raised a hand to the girl who let me stay at her apartment - was asked to leave because of that.
    I was on tranquilizers for my nerves....she of course found them in my purse and did nothing about it. The one thing she should have been concerned about she wasn't.
    As an adult: Reveals my secrets to even strangers to her but my friends.
    Wants me to hate my dead father - he was a good man.
    My problem is now she is elderly - 86- and I cannot stand to be around her. I've gotten to the point where all I can do is do her grocery shopping for her and my husband delivers them. Sometimes I would go but she would get volatile with me because she wasn't getting a personal relaltionship with me - "You never call, come see me. You won't take me to the doctor." I was doing all that until a few years ago - she would make my whole being cringe talking to her on the phone - she would provoke me behind the wheel - I would speed. I swore I wouldn't get in the car with her again. She hounds me to this day to take her. Will not relent. I refuse. My husband takes her if he can. I offer to pay for someone to take her. I offer to help pay for someone to help her clean. I tried to find her an easy living senior community - she doesn't want to share a bathroom. She has no $$$$. She wants me. Me. She desperately wants a relationship with me - I am the only one in her brother is emotionally sick and she won't have anything to do with him...
    The very last straw was this last Mother's Day. Went grocery shopping for her - went with my husband to drop them off - wouldn't take her money - said it was her Mother's Day gift - and gave her a nice card. Wanted to take her to my daughter's for a Mother's Day tea but she wouldn't go - said it was lousy - no meal. Just tea and crumpets. I asked her a few more times while we were there and she wouldn't. All she did was argue and scream and swear and demand that I take her to the doctor and call her - "You never drop by - you never call - you wont't get in the car with me. How silly." And she looks at me with pathetic guilt-inspiring eyes.
    Soaring Dove - I feel so guilty yet I cannot be around her. I pray for her. I try to honor her how I can - $$$ - prayers - shopping... I feel so bad I cannot be around her. She is my mother....and I cannot stand her.
    I am so afraid of going to hell because I'm not fulfilling her emotional needs - she's all alone. I'm afraid Jesus will say "I never knew you - when I was lonely you never came to me.." God forbid that happens!!!! Do you think Jesus is displeased with me? I really am frightened of going to hell....I am on Zoloft and low dose tranquilizer for I thinking neurotically about Jesus turning me away? You are the first person I feel could help me.
    I thank God for your blog!

    1. Grasping for GOD I do not check this blog regularly anymore, because the Lord has lead me to create a Christian Sisterhood group called The Women of Worth. We have a Facebook page, and I get back here when I can. Here is our group page, and I would like to invite you and other ladies who read this blog to join us.

      Grasping for GOD, you have me in tears. Your relationship with the momster is out of FEAR which stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. I see a daughter doing everything she can and a person who only longs to hurt her. My beloved sister in Christ, do not listen to religious idiots, listen to the voice of GOD saying how much He loves you, how He has come to give you life and life abundantly. Lean on to GOD Promises, Jeremiah 29:11

      GOD has great plans for you and abuse is not apart of it, even if it comes from your own biomom. I also struggled with GOD being mad at me if I left the abusive biomom, but I stopped listening what others said GOD says and started listening to GOD through His Holy Scriptures, His Wonderful Love Letter to us. Go to Luke 17:3 This is GOD's Divine Order when it comes to [any] relationship. GOD wants us safe, so He has give us very clear and simple instructions to follow in regards to abusive unrepentant people. Just because a person is your parent does not make that person exempt for what GOD says. When an abusive person hurts us, we are to have No Contact with him/her, the Bible says rebuke, only [IF] that person repents/changes/stops being abusive/admits s/he was wrong, says sorry, has authentic remorse (feels pain for causing you pain)/ask for forgiveness, THEN we are to forgive/have reconciliation. Until that happens you are to have no contact, and if anyone tries to guilt trip with you turning the other cheek, etc, then you quote Luke 17:3. You do not need anyone else's approval or judgement if you are doing what GOD wants or not. GOD calls us to pray for our enemies, but not be prey for our enemies. It does not matter how old the momster is you are to listen to GOD telling you that He loves you and wants you to be safe from those who wish to harm you. If the momster dies alone with no one visiting her that is her doing not yours.

      Here is some Biblical Foundation that tell us that GOD wants us to have No Contact with abusive people.

      (part 1)

    2. (part 2)

      Grasping for GOD,
      Sweet Sister know that I am praying that you feel GOD's Loving Embrace. You listen to Him above all others, including myself.

      There are others ways in which to honor an abusive parent. Here is a article on that.

      3 years ago I went No Contact with the momster, and the only regret is that after the first time I went No Contact 20 years earlier I went back. If I only knew then what I know now. In the past 3 years, GOD has lead me to begin a women's group, and an outreach group, and drawling me WAY out of my comfort zone and into an amazing destiny. I have passion and purpose where with dealing with the momster and my damaged siblings all I had was pain, drama, and wasted time and tears that never changed anything, because the other people did not see a reason for change. Had I remained in the Kingdom of Narcissism (KON) I would not have the mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual energy to move forward with my Journey with Jesus. I would have missed out on soooo much. As GOD says in His Holy Word I have great plans for you daughter, and this is not it! (paraphrasing Jeremiah 29:11).

      In the Mighty Name of Jesus Christ all strongholds will be broken, and only GOD's Truth will be revealed, the wounds of the past will be healed, no more chains to hold you in pain. You are GOD's Daughter and you are set Free by the blood of the lamb.

      There is healing and freedom in GOD's Holy Word. Listen to the Voice of Truth who has come to set you Free, and give you and abundant life.

      Read those articles, read GOD's Word, and listen to Him say He loves you and is proud of what you have done loving a person who is evil and only want to hurt you so that she feels better about herself. There is only one Savior and we are not Christ. You can not save those who do not want to be saved. You must let go and let GOD.

      If you here nothing else that I have said, Grasping for GOD, hear GOD's voice say that He Loves you and doesn't one anyone to harm His Beloved Daughter. As you are grasping for Him see that He already is carrying you in His Loving Arms this very moment Beloved Sister He is holding you and will not let go. He is so proud of you, and He want you to let the momster go, let the pain go that she caused, let Him heal those deep soul wounds, so that you can move forward.

      Enjoy His Loving Embrace,
      Letting Go